On Being an Iconoclast

I had my sixtieth birthday the other day, and it has sparked feelings inside me that I haven't been aware of for a long time. I have thought about how different I have always been from everybody that I have ever known. I have thought about how I hated authority even when I had to be authoritative. The hardest part of being a parent, to me, was having to manage the household and exercise the parental authority I grew up rebelling against.

Of course, now I am an adjunct university professor, which is the best thing I've ever done, and I have to be an authority again. But somehow, it isn't as bad. At least I'm not in the Administration.

Crispin Sartwell has a link to an essay on his blog (eyeofthestorm.blogs.com) about the rage that formed his anarchy. I identified with that.

I always felt different. I had a larger vocabulary than anyone in my class at school, and got ridiculed for using such "big words" as "obnoxious." I mean, hey, doesn't everybody know words like that? Geez. When somebody asked a question in an assembly I would shout out the answer the way I heard crowds of kids shout on TV, thinking everyone would be shouting it, but the person instead called on someone who had a hand raised. Uh. Imagine how embarrassed that made me.

I have always had dreams of soaring, but never the practical mind to build the wings to do so. I blamed it on my chronic depression, even though other people said I was just plain lazy. I don't know.

Now, I still feel different. In graduate school at Appalachian State, I was told that I saw things clearly--they were obvious to me--that nobody else could see. I see analogies that other people can't grasp. Colorful analogies make me a better teacher, and I appreciate that. And I have learned empathy with others that help in my selling and in my teaching.

But I still feel different.

This brings me around to this blog. I have stated some pretty strong opinions on here, because politics is in my blood. But I bear no brief for any party. Generally I'm against whoever's in power. Now that the Democrats will be in charge of Congress, I expect to criticize them, too.

We'll see.